meds faster than his body would like. They removed his feeding tube to open up his airway more and make breathing easier for him....and that was also the way they were giving him the methadone so I'm not sure what they are going to do for him now in that area. He was calm when I saw him, but he was definitely having to work at breathing. They upped his pain meds again so now he has more IV's and the arterial line never came out yesterday because they need to keep checking his blood gas levels now that he is having trouble breathing.
I guess I just feel a little let down by all this news and by seeing him work so hard to breath. All I could do to calm him was to gently stroke his head and just be close. He even seemed to peacefully sleep and breath a little easier while I was doing that...so that is what I did the entire time I was there. I have to say, that little guy is a FIGHTER to have come this far and I will not give in to the fear speaking in my ear that he could slip away into the night and be gone. I laid my hands on that little body and commanded his organs to grow strong and flourish!!! I commanded his airways to be open and clear and his little lungs to keep breathing!! I spoke peace and rest to his mind and released Holy Spirit to search out the hidden weak places and make them strong. I prayed wisdom over the attendants so that they would know how and when to ween him off the drugs and that they would have knowledge of the hidden things bothering Asher. Please agree with me in prayer that his little body will continue to gain strength and thrive. He has a role to play in this life and I will do all that is in my power to see he has the best chance to accomplish that job. Even though the unknown is scary....I told God in the very beginning that I would accept this "burden" and I believe that my sacrifice will enable Asher to become a "burden bearer" for many. (For those of you who don't know, Asher's middle name is Amos which means Burden or Burden Bearer).
All that seeming strength left as soon as I hit the elevator...I was tearing up and the flood gates let loose as soon as we were back in the car...........
Matt here. Erika wants me to take over the blog writing now. She is taking this really hard. Actually we are taking this really hard. Today was a really hard one. Erika was telling me that she is afraid that if we give Asher over to God that He will take him home. I share her feelings. He didn't look good today. He was having trouble breathing and the reality of the circumstances really hit me. Asher is still really sick. He hasn't looked that good since they took him off the ventilator. They took him off the vent and all the tubes are gone now but I'm beginning to think that it was too early for him. We are both afraid of what may come down the road. We don't want to lose him. We don't want him to die.
Please pray for our boy to Live and not die and declare the works of The Lord.
I got into the shower tonight and got into a session of weeping prayer where God revealed His heart to me in a new way. He told me that He went through what I'm going through with His Son all so that He could be with me. He told me that I'm starting to see the price that I've been bought with. All that I could say is that there is no one on this planet that I love enough to put my son through that kind of pain for. But God did it for me so that He could be with me and destroy the dividing wall of sin. He did it for me so that we could have access to healing. He did it for me so that I could be free from all this doubt and fear that so easily ensnares me and from my past and all that stuff. He did it for me.
He then told me that He is seeking for a man to stand in the gap for Asher and that as His Father I am the main man to do so. Pray that God would give me grace to do so (among many others I'm sure.).
Please just pray for us and keep the fire burning for us all especially Asher and Erika. They need a touch from the merciful Hand of God.
You all are a blessing. We Love you even though we may not know many of you. We Love you and can't wait to meet you.
Please let us know that your with us via e-mail or comments. It really does encourage us a lot. Even if we can't get back to you, we read them.
Blessings in Jesus' Name