Today we visited Asher again. He was doped up and sleeping or something. It's hard to tell which one as he was kind of sleeping with his eyes opened slightly. His arm was shaking again and we were informed that it could very well be withdrawals from all the pain meds he's been on and they will probably need to use methadone to ween him off of them.
They put him on "feeds" today. What that means in English is that they started giving him a little bit of breast milk to see if he would absorb it and use it. It turns out that so far he isn't. That sucks. We need him to take in the breast milk. Please pray that he would take in the breast milk. His chest tubes are slowing down in terms of the fluid output so that's a good thing. His feeding tube is in which means he will be having breast milk soon. That's good. It's getting difficult to stay encouraged more recently. Erika seems to be perpetually conscious due to the need to pump every few hours and it is starting to make her really tired. I just want some major improvement to take place. I'm thankful for what has come but he isn't home and he isn't in our arms and it won't be enough until he is.
It was discouraging today. I really didn't feel too encouraged. I'm running out of words to say and I'm running out of things to pray. I'm running low on faith and expectancy. I can't speak for Erika but this is certainly where I'm at. I don't like it.
I had a really good time in prayer and the Word this morning. The day started right but I somehow ended up feeling deflated. I really need you all to pray for Erika and I to have eyes to see and ears to hear what The Spirit is saying right now. Pray that God would give us more revelation of His Perfect Love, that would cast out all fear. I feel really numb. I just want my son home and I'm sick of all this delay and all these reason why he can't come home. The prospect of having a mentally handicapped son is eating at me quite diligently. I will love this boy with everything in me. I don't know why this upsets me the way it does. I should probably have more faith right now but for some reason I don't. My weakness is shining ever so brightly. I don't know how I'm supposed to react to all of this. I know that God is good and that He Loves us greatly. Thats all that I know for sure so I reckon thats what I'll cling to right now.
Thank you all for everything all of you have done for us during this time. It has proven to be a huge blessing and it is not forgotten or in vein. Thank you very much and may God bless you all.
Thank you for continually lifting us up in prayer. It moves mountains and I really appreciate it.
Blessings in Jesus' Name